Sneezing Requires All My Concentration

My daughter is getting married. In six months. It’s serious get-to-work time. Of all the daunting things that can be thrown at a MOB (mother of the bride - nice, huh), the most disconcerting for me has to be the, almost as an afterthought, statement, “Oh, I need you to send me your measurements.” It’s not the measurements really, it’s the acknowledgement that I actually have a body. I’ve made a concerted effort over the last several months to totally ignore my body -- and that’s been working out okay. I really don’t even know how much I weigh, but now I must get out a tape measure and do the deed. I’m sure I will be appalled. I wish my daughter did not work in a bridal shop so far away. If I was getting my MOB dress close by, I could go in, request a blind fold, hold my arms out, have a lit cigarette placed in my mouth and stand there while a person I’ve never seen before and will never see again (specified in writing) wields the tape measure and whispers numbers (preferably metric - I’ve never figured out metric) to a tape recorder.

Confronting the inevitable, I was inspired this morning to go for a walk. Where I live, this time of year is pollen season. No, not pollen season -- that’s too innocuous for what occurs in my neck of the woods. It’s more like pollen Armageddon. Leave anything outside for five minutes and it will change color to yellow-green. I’ve always felt that it is particularly unfair that the first open window weather of Spring is accompanied by a dust storm of screen-mocking pollen. I’m one of the lucky people that doesn’t suffer from allergies but even I have my limits. I was near the end of my walk when the stuff got to me and I had to sneeze, which made me realize that sneezing requires all my concentration. I must come to a complete stop and focus my attention or, let’s just say, the rest of the walk will not be pleasant.

On the plus side, I just had an eye exam and my nearsightedness is actually being counteracted by age-induced farsightedness. Cold comfort is better than no comfort at all.